Oh darlin’ don’t you ever grow up,
don’t you ever grow up…just stay this little”
These words have held my thoughts captive every time I look at my children lately. Thank you, Taylor Swift…I hum the harmony, I sing the words, and I think of them in my sleep.
I don’t know what exactly has brought on this awareness of passed time, but I do know that I would give just about anything right now to have my babies back. Just thinking about their chubby buns, baby-soft skin, and belly laughs have my eyes swelling up.
It deeply hurts to know that I can never hear those precious first words again, that I can never rock them as they doze off into a peaceful sleep, or that I can never get giddy and excited because they took their first steps. Man, oh man…that is a difficult realization!
At this point in my life, they are still quite young. BUT…I feel like my family has suddenly leaped into the next stages of life and I didn’t see it coming at all. Overnight, my youngest, has outgrown infancy as he struts around the house riding with training wheels and sporting big boy underwear. My middle child brings tears to my eyes as he so kindly puts other’s needs in front of his own. I see him turning into a humble young man that is going to change the world one hug at a time. And then, my oldest is about ready to graduate pre-school and head off to tread the unknown waters of kindergarten.
Yes, they grow up way too fast. My mother warned me as well as everyone else in this world. Of course, though, no one ever fully understands the advice they have been given until it’s too late. I cherish these memories and I am desperately holding onto them as they slowly slip through my hands in slow motion. How did this happen? How did I not savor every moment?
As weary as a mother can be, I plopped into my bed last night trying to relive the baby days with what little I had left. My eyes swelled again and I knew there was no turning back. No more babies. No more little chubby fingers. No more diaper explosions, baby powder aromas, or even late night feedings. It’s gone…no more of that…ever…again. Full on tears in my eyes now and then I just stopped. I had to stop. I can’t be sad over what I had in the past. I felt God gently remind me that although those days are long gone, He has so much more for me to experience with my children in the future. I thought of one of my favorite verses that brought a smile to my face as I envisioned my children in the days ahead.
Now unto him that is able to do exceeding abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that works within us.”
I don’t know what God has planned for my children…BUT I do know, without a doubt, that He has AMAZING plans for them that will bring me the same joy, or maybe even more, that I experienced when they were babies. I see Him at work already as He is transforming their little hearts to love and serve others.
I then remembered that God tells us in the Bible that there is a season for everything (Ecclesiastes 3:1) and this particular season in my life has passed. Thank the Lord that I don’t have to completely forget it, that is why He gave us memories, but I do have to let it go in order to open the doors for the next season that is already taking place right now.